While we all eagerly await DJ Sneak to point out the next batch of fakers to take cause against, I thought it would be a good time to point out some easy things everyone can avoid doing that will ultimately improve our scene.
Don’t be dicks. Yes, we know that the night is all about you, that you are being paid well, and that
you think you are the rockstar. Even assuming that you are there as a result of hard work and talent and not money and circumstance, you are not a god. Every day that you are still relevant should be spent thanking one not acting like one. Keep your ego in check and remember that just because your name is at the top of the list of talent doesn’t mean manners cease to exist. Also, cool it with the crazy artist riders. You are already charging an arm and a leg, you could at least buy your own damn booze, inflatable boats, and blueberry infused water from some island of which no one has ever heard.
You are not the main event, this is not your big break, the night is not about you. Get over yourself. You may very well be a better, harder working, and more lovable DJ than the headliner, but the gig isn’t centered around you so stop with the attitude. You are in a supporting role, your job for the night is to support, so support. Don’t be a dick and play a set like you are in the headlining slot. If you don’t have music for a supporting role, or that isn’t the music you play, don’t accept the job. The headliner shouldn’t have to clean up your mess, they should be able to play what they came to play, you should lead the crowd into it. Go get headlining gigs if you think you deserve them. Until then, support.
You have it tough, you really do. We all know this is a male dominated scene so don’t be dicks to other female DJs by using sex to sell yourself. If you can’t get gigs because of your talent and hustle, your tits and ass shouldn’t be your back-up plan. It demeans your gender, it makes you look like a cheap slut, and it keeps people from taking female DJs seriously. Be sexy, be proud, but keep it about art and talent behind the decks. Go do an “art” film if you feel the need to exploit yourself.
Your job is to create an experience and to get people to that experience. Do your job. Don’t be a dick and expect everyone else, i.e. the DJ, to do your job. If you are booking DJs based purely on how many people you think they will bring, and expecting “sub-promoters” to bring the bulk of the crowd, you are redundant and an unnecessary cost to the people. Know what the DJs you are booking play, what they are capable of, and then give them time slots appropriate to the overall arch of the night you’ve designed. This will highlight the headliner you are “over-paying and didn’t even draw that much of a crowd” which will make for a better night and people will feel better about how much you overcharged them.
Let the people you hired do their job. If you don’t like what they are doing, then don’t hire them again. Don’t be a dick and start telling everyone how to do their job, especially if you have never done that job yourself. You just be cool, tell all the girls you own the place, and spend your profits up your nose like your master life plan dictates. If you do anything, do quality control, make sure the people you have hired are providing a good environment for the people you are overcharging for beverages.
Let me start off by saying, girls, I love you. I really do. You are fun, pretty, and full of great energy. But stop being dicks. You aren’t performers, quit calling yourself that. Unless you are the 3% that actually choreograph a routine or are a part of a choreographed routine you aren’t performing anything. Quit thinking people are coming specifically to see you dance (even the ones that tell you they are, are lying). If you think you are anything more than eye candy, try to be a go-go dancer at 40. Have fun, be half-naked, but leave the delusions of grandeur at home.
There really is no scene without you, but don’t be dicks. Don’t come up to the booth to make requests, don’t waive your phone around to make requests, don’t try to use some tired old line you think you just invented to make a request. Just don’t make a request. If the DJ is the kind of DJ that takes requests, you can be sure he will let you know. If they don’t, just let them do their job. Even if they are the worst DJ you’ve ever heard they are the one working, not you. Also, yes, you will know about music they don’t, don’t be a dick and start acting all superior about how you can’t believe they have never heard of this track before and how “everyone” knows about this song, it’s not a competition, just go dance.
If you or anyone you know suffers from any of these behaviors you have my permission to take a rolled up newspaper and smack yourself or them on the nose with a firm, “NO!”